


boys like you are overrated (so save your breath)

by sofarsoperfect



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: 00s Punk / Emo Band AU, Alternate Universe - Punk, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Explicit Language, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Self-Discovery, Time Setting Typical Language, Use of Time Setting Typical LGBT Slurs, ex emo kids this one's for you, hella niche 00s emo / pop punk band references, trigger warning in the author's note
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:21:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25323040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sofarsoperfect/pseuds/sofarsoperfect
Summary: But everything // it all just feels the sameAnd my high school; it felt more to meLike a jail cell, a penitentiaryMy time spent there // it only made me see,Neo City wasn’t Fall Out Boy and they never would be, but they had something that not everyone else did. And they weren’t just a Fall Out Boy cover band, they were better than that. They pulled crowds because they could do justice to songs that FOB had made classics in the emo and punk scene but also because they had something about them.They were talented and Ten had been, secretly, following their content from the moment Johnny and Jaehyun started posting flyers until… well, now.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten, side Suh Youngho | Johnny/Qian Kun, side Wong Kun Hang | Hendery/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas/Mark Lee
Comments: 12
Kudos: 87





	boys like you are overrated (so save your breath)

**Author's Note:**

> spot the niche punk / emo kid references. this one also goes out to the city of chicago. i can't believe you gave me fob, tai and johnny suh. what an impossible city, you are. also to [my sister](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarahatthecrisco) because i never could've written this without her, thanks for making me an emo kid too and putting up with this chaos of a fic.
> 
> title: chicago is so two years ago by fall out boy
> 
> *beta'd
> 
> **trigger warning for lgbt slurs used later in the fic. they're only seen briefly and in single instances but please be wary of them. please remember that i state these warnings for my readers mental and emotional well being.

Even though he couldn’t really afford it, Ten liked blowing 30 bucks on a good rock show. Life was nothing without a little bit of reckless fun and if he pulls a few bills out of his rainy day fund to actually do something other than going to work and be a responsible adult, it wasn’t the worst thing in the world. Besides, a night of cheap beer, loud music, and two of his favorite people in the whole world, surrounded by people he didn’t know and didn’t know him was well worth it.

Neo City wasn’t Fall Out Boy and they never would be, but they had something that not everyone else did. And they weren’t just a Fall Out Boy cover band, they were better than that. They pulled crowds because they could do justice to songs that FOB had made classics in the emo and punk scene but also because they had something about them. Of course, they got started in high school, screaming Take This To Your Grave and lost Midtown tracks from Johnny Suh’s garage, but they had really started making something of themselves, writing their own music, trying out new sounds, Jung Jaehyun singing The Academy Is… and Panic songs to get the crowd jumping before popping off on a song all their own. They were talented and Ten had been, secretly, following their content from the moment Johnny and Jaehyun started posting flyers until… well, now.

Now, where they were yelling The Takes Over, The Breaks Over in the basement of The Mixtape, downtown Chicago. Ten had been to quite a few of their shows already. Some of them at the Battle of the Bands when they were in high school, a few of them in local venues where they got kicked out immediately after because they were still underage at the time. They hosted signings and meet n greets in the parking lots of those bars, taking photos on phone cameras that speckled fangirl MySpace accounts.

_“If I die and go to Hell real soon  
It will appear to me as this room  
And for eternity, I'd lay in bed  
In my boxers, half stoned  
With the pillow under my head,”_

Johnny opens this next song and this is one Ten knows but isn’t particularly familiar with. He isn’t 100% sure as to who sings it but he has heard it a fair amount of times on people’s MySpace players. Kun glances at him from the corner of his eye, plastic cup in front of his mouth, as though asking him a question. Ten merely shrugs his shoulders in response.

The chorus brings Jaehyun back to the front and Ten watches him walk around the stage, giving the crowd every angle of him available. He lingers on the side of the stage Johnny is playing bass on, always has, the girls going crazy whenever they feel it necessary to get their hands on each other onstage. It’s a perverted desire to see a couple of guys going at it, but they have always leaned into it. Even in high school, more than once playing gay chicken in the cafeteria just to hear the girls giggle when Johnny got in close enough to run a hand up the inside of Jaehyun’s thigh.

Jaehyun always bowed out first.

Beyond Johnny and Jaehyun’s queerbaiting, however, there are the more “normal” members of the group, who pulled quite enough attention on their own. Ten would put Yuta’s off on the way he always plays without a shirt, hair grown out so long it’s falling in his face as he bangs on the drums. He always walks around after the show with his sleeveless top hanging around his neck rather than on his body, numerous tattoos, nipple piercings and belly button ring on display. (Ten heard that Yuta got his dick pierced too and while it was just a rumor, Ten knows enough about rumors to know that that had to have come from somewhere and he’d love to know the truth.)

Doyoung and Mark get a little less attention, but Ten doesn’t doubt it’s because of Doyoung’s desire to keep a healthy distance between himself and their fans. He always signs things and takes photos but while Jaehyun and Johnny were a little less than discerning about sleeping with groupies (or so it’s been said), Doyoung’s never done it before. People really called him a prude in the punk rock scene but Doyoung also has a lip piercing and two hand tattoos so Ten’s pretty sure that isn’t the case. Maybe Doyoung just didn’t want to sleep around? Admirable for a guitarist in a punk band.

Mark is still kind of a kid so he gets a lot of high school girls’ attention but isn’t taken very seriously. A shame considering he’s an incredible guitarist, lead guitarist in all their tracks and can shred with the best of them. He always does the solos in the songs and people go wild when they see him taking down guitar pieces perfected by the likes of Ryan Ross and Joe Trohman themselves. But he’s still fresh out of high school, just graduated in May, and had been enlisted in the band by Johnny sheerly due to being Johnny’s half brother. It kind of warps people’s perception of him even if he is great.

“What’d I miss?” Sicheng asks, sliding up to them, a fresh beer in hand.

“Something about a girl touching herself? You know, usual bullshit,” Kun says and Sicheng snorts, licking his sloshed beer off of his hand. “You think they’ll play an original tonight? Or at least The Academy Is…, like c’mon, gimme my William Beckett or give me death, y’know?” Kun suggests and Ten snorts this time, right into his beer.

“William Beckett Jung Jaehyun is most certainly not. Please cut your tongue out for ever suggesting he might be,” Sicheng tells him. “Now Brendon Urie, he could maybe pull that off.”

“You’re wrong. That androgynous god? Never,” Ten says. “Honestly, though? I’m jonesing for a TAI fix.” Kun gives Sicheng a pointed look and Sicheng rolls his eyes as he sips his PBR.

“This is the part of the set where we yell for a little while,” Johnny says into his microphone. He’s holding onto the microphone stand like it’s keeping him upright, and it might be, flushed through the face and neck, black eyebrow ring standing out above his downturned eyes. The rest of the guys are walking around a bit, taking drinks of water from water bottles while Yuta shakes his hair out, spraying droplets of sweat as he does so.

It’s not a very big venue, tightly compact with only standing room. There are benches along the wall and platforms above them, one holding a merch table while the other has the bar. No one except for tired moshers are on the benches, taking a breather before they start banging out another hit. Even though the three of them are standing at the back of the room they can still plainly see the stage, a few feet off the ground, and giving them the ability to see all of Neo City and their sweaty, exhausted glory.

Ten can see everything from here. Johnny leaning on the microphone stand precariously, Doyoung shaking out his black hair while Mark trades guitars, the five of them still a little too small to have an actual tech on hand. Jaehyun wanders back up to the front, hands on his slim hips, microphone dangling from the wire he has in his hand. The microphone itself is wrapped in neon green duct tape, a very professional rig, probably to protect it from all the throwing up and down Jaehyun’s been doing with it all night, lest the wire snap and ruin their whole fucking set.

“Who’s having a good time tonight?” Johnny asks and the crowd screams, as it always does. “I’m sorry, I can’t hear that? I said, who’s having a good fucking time tonight!?” He says, louder into his mic and the crowd roars in response. “That’s what I thought!”

“Are you having a good time tonight, Johnny?” Jaehyun asks, lifting his mic to his mouth.

“As long as I’m on stage with you, I’m always having a good time, Jae,” Johnny lays on and Jaehyun huffs a laugh into his mic. “Let me hear y’all give it up for the amazing and talented Jaehyun Jung!” Johnny calls out into the crowd and Ten is pretty sure that if the music hadn’t already half deafened him, the screams would’ve. The shrill shrieking of teenage girls is enough to rupture anyone’s eardrums and Sicheng gives them a critical look from the corner of their eye.

“You guys are too good to me,” Jaehyun replies. “Tonight we have gathered on this stage to bring you a great night! You guys have been a hell of a crowd with us, always a helluva crowd here in downtown Chicago!” Yuta beats on his drums for added effect, Doyoung giving them a riff as well, the crowd going crazy. “As our old stomping ground it’s always great to see you guys, you guys give us so much love whenever we perform and tonight is no different.”

“We have dedicated a very special song to you guys. You know it, you love it, you request it every performance, this one is called Carpal Tunnel of Love,” Doyoung introduces, Mark already beginning to play the intro. The crowd starts screaming and Ten smiles to himself. This is a personal favorite of his.

_“Got postcards from my former selves saying, "How you been?",”_

Carpal Tunnel of Love is always interesting to watch, mostly because none of them are especially adept screamers but Johnny and Yuta certainly give it their best shot and Jaehyun always sounds like he’s about to start choking on the lyrics after they’re done, Mark laughing off on the side of the stage. It’s a great song and they always dedicate it to Chicago, something Ten always viewed as a thinly veiled ‘fuck you’ to all the popular kids in school who made fun of them for making an emo band.

Their set went on for quite a few songs, Kun giving a particularly loud shout when they announced they were going to be playing The Phrase That Pays. Sicheng and Ten join in when Doyoung starts singing the intro.

_“Hold your head high, heavy heart,”_

They shouted those words as loud as they could, catching more than a few eyes while Jaehyun pointed to them in the back of the crowd during the first chorus, smiling so big through the lyrics Ten could see his dimples under the ugly, fluorescent stage lights.

The three of them bow out early in an attempt to beat the rush out of the venue, ditching their cups in the garbage cans by the front doors as Neo City launch into their ending song, an original of theirs, something deep and bass-heavy named Cherry Bomb. Most of the crowd sticks around but they stumble out into the parking lot, running across the street to get to the public parking across the way.

Kun lights a cigarette and Ten pulls out his pack while Kun puffs on his to get it going. Ten hands his over, Kun removing the one in his mouth to place Ten’s unlit one there, connect the ends and puffing on it to get it going as well. Once lit, he hands it back to Ten, Ten placing his menthol in his mouth while Kun sucks on his light. Sicheng has since climbed up onto the trunk of their car, laying on the back of it, back pressed to the back windshield, still hot in the humid mid-July night.

Ten looks up when he hears the security team propping open the doors on the venue, an out pouring of teens and young adults spilling from the doors and onto the street. Some of them go straight for their cars while a few linger around the door. Most of them wander to the side parking lot, full to bursting with cars where an ugly ass, white and sharpie colored 8 passenger van is parked, a black trailer connected to the back of it.

Ten recognizes it as the Neo City van mostly for the sharpie graffiti, the boys having taken it upon themselves to let fans and friends decorate it however they please when they have a show, except for the hood. The hood sports a giant NEO CITY with all their signatures on it. It’s the only place that’s almost entirely unmarred.

Ten thinks his own name might be written somewhere near the license plate but he honestly can’t remember.

It’s a quiet ritual of their own, coming down off a concert high in the parking lot, all of them bowing out early, Ten and Kun having a smoke or two as they wait for things to die out before they head home. They’re always one of the last people to leave and Kun looks over his shoulder where he’s leaning against the driver’s side door, smoke pinched between his thumb and index finger when he hears the yelling.

It’s just the boys. Ten, Kun and Sicheng all went to school with them so it’s not that exciting. They’re just a bunch of dumb guys that are actually doing something with their passion, which is better than the rest of them. Kun and Ten both graduated with Doyoung, which is pretty funny because they both remember Doyoung walking up to the podium and making the valedictorian speech with a stud in his lip while Yuta and Johnny whooped from the stands when he was done.

Sicheng graduated the year after with Jaehyun and Johnny and Yuta were the year before them but they remember them. It’s hard to forget the try-hard wanna-be rockers who started getting tats and piercing themselves at 17, wandering around the halls in women’s jeans and blaring Green Day every day they pulled up to school. Kun, Ten and Sicheng walked the same circles as them as it was, all of them being the small handful of Asian kids as well as outsiders within the community, even if it was for vastly different reasons.

Ten watches the girls fall over themselves to get photos with the guys, Johnny sticking his tongue out while Jaehyun smiles and throws peace signs. Doyoung and Yuta pose for a few, letting girls kiss their cheeks and giving hugs while Mark signs bags and shirts and Converse. It’s cute, nice even that they can still do this, can just hang around venues for an hour after the show lets out and just fuck around with fans.

This one is cut short by the venue, the venue techs already calling out to the boys with their equipment coming out of the loading dock. Neo City thanks everyone for coming and then jog over to grab the equipment, Doyoung unlocking the trailer while Yuta helps the techs with his drum set, Johnny carrying an amp in his arms.

They hang out for a while yet, the parking lot is bumper to bumper with people trying to beat each other out of both parking lots. Ten gets a brief and ugly flashback to the one time they went to see Cobra Starship on tour and their car stalled in the parking lot. Navarro (named after said band’s beautiful drummer that Kun has, on multiple occasions, mentioned he would not deny if he was propositioned) has since been laid to rest and replaced with a much better, much newer model, Guy Chislett (Sicheng named this one), but Ten still has trauma.

By the time it’s finally clear enough that they think they can get out without someone trying to rear end them, the band has already finished packing up, Yuta locking up the back of the trailer. There are still a few people lingering around, also having cigarettes, planning where they’re going to get food. Doyoung is drinking from a flask, offering it to Yuta as he comes around from the back of the trailer. Johnny is in the front seat of the van while Mark is checking his phone.

“Yo, you guys good?” Jaehyun calls out to them and Ten lifts a brow at the same time Kun turns around, cigarette in his mouth. It’s his third one, chasing the alcohol out of his system. “You guys been here a while.”

“Waiting on the traffic,” Sicheng calls out, waving a hand, lying on the back of the car, eyes closed. “We’re good, thanks.”

“Aight,” Jaehyun calls back. Johnny has since lifted himself from his seat though, standing on the small portion of flooring between his seat and his door to look at them over the top of the van.

“Yo, Kun?!” He calls out and Kun looks surprised to be noticed. “I thought that was you in the crowd. Thanks for coming, man!”

“Yeah, no problem,” he yells back. Ten looks at Kun, who shrugs. He scratches his smoke out on the sole of his shoe and walks over to the parking lot next to the venue, Sicheng groaning about moving but following him, Ten trailing behind as they get closer. Johnny jumps down from his perch and meets him at the side of the van. The rest of the band comes over as well and Johnny offers a hand, tugging Kun into a hug. “I’m surprised you noticed me.”

“As if. You were the only dude who ever wanted to talk about TAI with me in physics,” Johnny says and Kun flushes up the back of his neck. “Sorry, we didn’t play a lot. I feel like I let William Beckett down.”

“You did,” Sicheng says, “but your cover of Church of Hot Addiction was pretty sick.”

“Thanks,” Doyoung says with a smile. “You guys come out often? I feel like I never see you guys at the shows anymore.”

‘Anymore’ implies that they remember them when they used to show up. And that’s super weird because Ten would never call himself a good friend of Neo City. Kun and Johnny had a few classes together because Kun and Doyoung spent most of high school competing for valedictorian and who could grab the highest level classes. Sicheng, Yuta and Jaehyun were decent acquaintances because they were all in marching band together but Ten didn’t really stick out. Well, he did, but not for good reasons so he didn’t expect them to remember him for something as casual as being a regular at their shows.

“Work,” Kun says simply. “Passed up college, we’ve been living together since Chengie graduated.”

“Valiant,” Yuta comments. “John and I have too but like… we got this so. What’re you guys doing?”

“Everybody needs a cashier,” Ten says and Jaehyun grimaces. “It’s chill. Pays the bills, you know?”

They shoot the shit, Doyoung even offering them his flask, which Sicheng and Ten indulge in but Kun still has to drive. Kun asks if any of them want a smoke but Johnny quit last year because it was fucking up his throat and screaming does that enough, he jokes. Surprising, considering Johnny was one of the poor fuckers who got duped into smoking at like 14 by the seniors who introduced him to emo music.

“Hey, come to the next show. We’ll get you early admission so you don’t have to stand at the back next time,” Jaehyun says and he pats Ten on the arm as he says it, standing next to him. Ten wonders if Jaehyun knows what someone might say if they saw him do that but none of the rest of them even flinch.

“Maybe we like standing in the back,” Sicheng says. “At least we don’t get crushed at the barricade back there,” he comments and the boys of Neo City laugh.

“Aight, you make a good point,” Mark says. “Jae’s right though, you should come. We’re working out a deal with Crossroads next month if you got some time,” he suggests and Kun nods. “Hope to see you there.”

“We’ll think about it,” Ten placates. “But I gotta work tomorrow. See y’all later?” He says and the boys all agree, waving them off before they jog back across the road to head back to their shared apartment.

“Jae’s… kinda cute,” Sicheng says, wandering around the living room after they get home. They’re all still a little wired and Ten feels lucky that he closes tomorrow so he won’t even have to be in until around four anyway. Kun snorts, clicking around on the desktop in the living room. “Right, Tennie?” Sicheng says, his tone indicating he’s about to take the piss and Ten lifts his eyes from the TV, lifting a brow.

“I don’t fuck with straight boys,” Ten says and Kun properly laughs this time, turning from the computer to look at him.

“Bitch, that’s all you do,” Kun comments. Ten looks at him, aghast. “The whole school caught wind of your garbage because you tried to fuck with Adam Jones, which I told you was a bad idea.”

“He was queer!” Ten defends. “He was queer and he absolutely kissed me, not the other way around. Leah was a bitch and got mad that I made out with her boyfriend.” He slumps a little further into the couch. “Whatever, he wasn’t even that good of a kisser, I don’t know what she was so mad about. I took a bullet for her, if she had asked I would’ve told her to dump his ass.”

“You know how dance troupe was,” Sicheng says. “Why do you think I never got in?”

“Shame, you would’ve looked good in those leggings,” Kun comments mildly, already turned back to the computer, only to get whacked in the shoulder. “Just because Jae and Johnny fuck around on stage, it doesn’t mean they’re into dudes. You know Jae always chickened first.”

“Gay panic,” Ten mumbles. “He could be a baby gay. He’s only what… 22,” Ten says.

“As if you wanna teach a guy how to suck a dick,” Sicheng says. “You’re too lazy.”

“Maybe but you’re right, Chengie,” Ten says, pausing the movie. He turns over onto his back and Sicheng lifts a brow from where he’s standing in the kitchen doorway, cup in hand. “He is cute.”

“Sucker,” Kun comments, turning off the computer and turning down the speakers so the fucking shut down noise doesn’t blow them out. Again.

Ten lives outside of suburbia for a reason. He grew up in it and it was fine. It was a fine place to be five, ten, thirteen before people are all up in each other’s business and trying to date and fuck each other. He didn’t understand until he was 15 and angsty why the fuck any and all pop-punk or emo bands wanted to talk about was leaving their town. Then he did.

He doesn’t live downtown but he sure as fuck doesn’t live outside the city anymore because if he even thinks about setting foot in his old town, someone’s gonna start a witch hunt. Out here, anonymous and surrounded only by the people he likes and trusts, he thrives. He loves living in the city, even if he’s breathing smog with his smoke on his breaks.

“Coming in?” Hendery asks and Ten shakes his head, blowing smoke before gesturing vaguely with his smoke. “Got it. Catch you in five,” they say and Ten nods, taking another drag of his cigarette. He savors his smoke breaks because it’s the only way he’s guaranteed a break, which he acknowledges is fucked up but at least his smoking is useful for something.

When he heads back in, he tosses the butt of his cigarette into the coffee canister by the door and slips back into the store.

The store he works for is about the size of a shoebox. It’s some tiny ass local chain but he has some pretty good coworkers and the pay is decent because it’s in the city. It’s a fusion store of sorts, carrying mostly mainstream products but their Asian section is extensive and Ten buys most of their snacks from here because going to a bigger, actual Asian market is kind of a pain in the ass. He’s been working here ever since he left home and the owner’s daughter, Amber, acts like his big sister so all in all, it's a pretty great place to work.

Johnny and Yuta breeze in the doors with Jaehyun on their heels and this is new. Ten turns on his light as they walk around the corner. He hasn’t seen them in before, he wonders if they live close, but that’d be especially weird considering he’s worked here so long and he’s never seen them in before now.

Ten loses himself in the routine nature of his job, greeting people, checking out their groceries, wishing them a good day as he hands them their receipt, repeat. It’s all very cyclical and he’s only distracted briefly by Hendery’s screaming when one of their partners comes in. Ten’s met Xuxi more than a few times but he’s still in the dark about the other one. Hendery says they’re still in school and while they’re pretty good friends Ten still doesn’t think it’s within his right to pry into their personal life. Ten resists the urge to sigh wistfully anyway when Xuxi smacks a kiss to their cheek.

“Hey, Ten,” Johnny says, and he sounds as confused as Ten as he does so.

“Hey, I haven’t seen you guys around before,” he says in reply as he begins helping Yuta line up their groceries on the conveyor belt. Jaehyun offers him a dimply smile. So cute.

“I just moved out of the parents’ place a few days ago,” Jaehyun offers as an explanation and Ten nods in understanding. “I found an apartment with a few cool people, and it’s not far from here. You might be seeing more of me so try not to be too disappointed,” Jaehyun says and he winks as he does. Johnny elbows him, making Jaehyun laugh.

If they were still in high school Ten would think they were making fun of him but they’re not so he’s going to give them the benefit of the doubt.

“That’s cool,” Ten says. “Let me know if you ever need help. I don’t live very far and I know how weird living on your own can be.” It kind of just spills out of him, the same way it did when Dejun moved in with his boyfriend after Jeno got kicked out of his parents’ house. He almost rescinds his statement or adds a, “but no pressure,” but Jaehyun speaks before he can.

“I will, thanks, Ten.”

The conversation is short and they don’t talk about much more than Jaehyun’s new place or their upcoming show that they still want Ten and his roommates to go to. Ten’s already looked it up and it falls on a night when he doesn’t work the next day so if Kun and Sicheng can make it work they might actually go. Ten’s not too optimistic but Yuta tugs Ten’s arm across the till and writes his number across Ten’s forearm so he’ll have it.

“Text me, we’ll hook you up,” Yuta assures, and Ten laughs but agrees.

He mulls over the fact that that’s two of the band’s members who’ve touched him without flinching after they leave, and that’s a little bit novel.

The next show isn’t actually in Chicago, it’s in Rockford and it’s an hour and a half drive. Ten and Kun drove farther to see Green Day when they were 16 but it’s still a bit of a trek. Neo City does, in fact, hook them up, though and they show up early with early admission to get better standing room. They don’t have to fight to stand up on the balcony this time, which is great and they’re all already a beer in by the time the show starts. Ten finds that watching a show while buzzed makes you feel extra vibrate-y all over.

They play considerably more The Academy Is… this time, beginning their set with LAX to O’Hare.

_“It was a plane ride from LAX to O'Hare,  
And what happened next was a series of unfortunate events.  
(Please stay tuned for what happened next)”_

Intermingled with Fall Out Boy, Good Charlotte, and a handful of My Chemical Romance songs, they play a few of their own songs. They always close out their shows with Cherry Bomb, ever since they debuted it the show after Jaehyun’s high school graduation. They’ve only released an EP since they started making and playing music for real but they’re all good and Doyoung introduces a new song of theirs tonight, something called Elevator that’s a little more light, a little more pop than punk, something a little more reminiscent of All Time Low than Green Day.

It’s a great song and people are having a great time to it but the three of them go wild when they play the opening riff to Neighbors.

Tonight the band gave them clearance to hang around in venue but they end up loitering out the back entrance (with venue approval) so Ten and Kun can smoke one. Sicheng stands around the merch table, making conversation with their merch guy, a cute and sweet kid who graduated just the year before named Jungwoo. He’s pretty funny and Sicheng lets him take a sneaky sip of his beer when no one’s around.

“I don’t want anything that’s signed,” Kun says, walking up to the table.

“Not even Johnny’s?” Jungwoo asks, waving around a copy of their EP. None of them will admit it but Kun and Ten both own a copy of the band’s EP so they really don’t need another one but Jungwoo keeps wiggling his brows as though he knows something.

“I think I can get Johnny to sign something else of mine,” Kun brushes off.

“I’ll sign your tits, just ask,” Johnny says as he walks up with Mark. Kun huffs a laugh but there’s a blush crawling up his neck again and Ten makes a mental note to grill Kun about that later.

“I don’t think you’re famous enough to sign tits yet,” Kun retorts. “When you release an album instead of an EP maybe you can sign me,” Kun tells him and Johnny gives him a very blatant but also exaggerated up and down.

“I’ll remember that,” Johnny warns him. “C’mon, take an album or something. You deserve it for driving all the way out here,” Johnny says, leaning against the table. Seems like a bad idea considering it’s a folding table and Johnny is over six feet tall but Ten just sips his beer and hopes he sees Johnny’s poor idea end in catastrophe.

It doesn’t because Doyoung comes up and reminds him of this fact, all but shoving his entirely too tall band mate away from the table. He slides behind the table though and starts looking through their merch, and proceeds to throw it at the three of them.

“You have to be more direct,” Doyoung says. The Neo City shirts and wristbands practically smack them in the face and Ten fumbles his drink to make sure the rubber bracelet doesn’t end up in his cup. “Just wear it around. You can be our street team.”

“I don’t remember agreeing to this,” Ten mumbles, startling when Yuta comes up behind him, throwing an arm around his shoulders. Jaehyun is next to him and smiling. Always smiling. Always with the dimples.

“Jaehyun’s roommate said he was chill to be the street team president so you gotta clear it with him but you should help,” Yuta tells them. “It makes us look official and stuff.”

“I don’t remember Fall Out Boy having a street team,” Sicheng comments mildly but he’s already tugging the rubber bracelet onto his wrist. “I have a uniform at work but I guess I’ll wear a bracelet if that’s chill.”

“That’s the spirit!” Johnny insists.

“We’re not a cheer squad,” Ten says and hopes it doesn’t come off as bitchy as he thinks it does. Jaehyun and Mark don’t stop smiling at them, though, so he figures it wasn’t too bad.

Ten’s life is weird. He knows that. That tends to happen when you’re outed to your high school at the age of 17 and your parents only put up with you because they have to and you have to move out at 18 with two of your best friends into the city. Especially when all three of you are queer and it’s not exactly cool to be queer, even with the state of the world slowly being less shitty about it. Also, you’re kind of an emo fanboy.

But all that aside, this is weird beyond his normal level of weirdness.

“You sound like you’re panicking,” Ten says mildly because he knows what panicking sounds like. He did a lot of it for three years straight (15 to 18 being the hell years of coming to terms with his sexuality, coming out to all his close friends, high school bullshit, and then moving out). Jaehyun definitely sounds like he’s freaking out, which is really not useful considering this is a very low tier tragedy.

“I just don’t know what I’m doing!” Jaehyun finally says into the phone. His voice is all crackly because for all the work Ten put into owning a cell phone it’s got pretty shit service.

“It’s just laundry,” Ten reminds him, gently, trying to talk him down. “Your mom really didn’t teach you this?”

“I’m an only child and a boy. I was… kind of spoiled.”

At least he’s self-aware.

“I’m gonna come over. Text me your address and I’ll give you a hand,” Ten says because he’s got a bleeding heart. He supposes it comes with trying to be a mentor to every single queer person he’s ever met that’s younger than him because he struggled a lot and he hates seeing other people struggle. He’s actually pretty proud to say he helped Kun and Sicheng come to terms with themselves and really…

Wow, they really mean it when they say birds of a feather, huh?

“No, you don’t have to-” Jaehyun’s voice is pitching up and Ten wedges his foot into his ragged canvas sneakers as fast as he can.

“It’s fine. Really, it’s fine. I’m not even working and you sound like you need help. Text me your address and I’ll be right over.” Ten uses his gently cajoling voice. Kun calls it his ‘mom’ voice but Ten doesn’t really like that term. He’s more of a cool older brother or uncle in his own opinion. Kun is the mom here.

“Okay,” Jaehyun says and he sounds small.

“And Jaehyun? It’s gonna be okay.”

The bus ride to Jaehyun’s apartment is only about ten minutes but Ten spends the entire time listening to Relient K on his iPod and trying to figure out how this happened. He remembers exchanging numbers with all the boys of Neo City the night of the Rockford concert, but more out of courtesy than anything else. And he knows he offered to give Jaehyun a hand if he ever needed help but this still… isn’t what he expected. He thinks it might be because Jaehyun doesn’t seem the type to reach out for help because he doesn’t know how to do a menial chore but… people are surprising, he guesses.

Jaehyun is home but he seems to be the only one when Ten shows up. Jaehyun waves vaguely at the pile of shoes by the door and Ten feels like he knows those holey, navy blue Converse, he just doesn’t know from where. He gets distracted the moment Jaehyun opens the door to the laundry closet though and sees the pile of clothes that threaten to overflow from Jaehyun’s hamper.

“How long has it been since you’ve done laundry?” Ten asks, delicately.

“I’m on my last pair of pants,” Jaehyun says, and that’s enough for Ten.

“Okay. It’s really, really not worth getting worked up about,” Ten says gently. “I’ll show you.”

Teaching how to wash laundry really is a lot easier when he’s there, with the laundry that needs washing, but it still feels a bit silly. He even makes notes for Jaehyun to stick in the laundry closet in case he ever forgets and Jaehyun looks a lot less like he’s on the verge of a mental break by the time they’re done. Ten isn’t sure this is a normal reaction to not knowing how to do laundry but he’s seen people in all states of anxiety so he tries not to judge, despite Sicheng’s insistence it’s his default state.

“Are you hungry?” Ten says once the washer is running a cold cycle on Jaehyun’s jeans and darks.

“Uhm, I mean I haven’t eaten yet today,” Jaehyun says, fingers picking at the hem of his shirt.

“I’ll make you something,” Ten says because he’s somehow turned into a doting mother. Jaehyun opens his mouth to object but Ten only gently pats his shoulder before walking around him into his kitchen. It’s almost hard to do so, reaching out to touch having been mostly conditioned out of him when he was 17, and people at school would flinch if he so much as reached for a pencil near them. Like being gay was a disease or whatever.

Ah yes, small-town midwest.

“You really don’t have to,” Jaehyun insists anyway but Ten waves him off.

“No big deal, I haven’t eaten yet either so really I’m feeding myself,” Ten says and Jaehyun cracks a little bit of a smile. “Just let know if I’m about to grab anything that’s not yours.”

“Ah, don’t worry too much about it. Hendery’s not gonna mind, he’s- they’re really chill.” And if Ten didn’t know before, Jaehyun’s slight correction makes him certain.

“You room with Hendery?” Ten asks slowly, retrieving a pot and two packages of ramen. It’s definitely the cheap kind but he saw soy sauce and sesame oil in the cupboard, he can make this work.

“Yeah,” Jaehyun confirms. “You know ‘em?”

“They work at the store with me, stock,” Ten says and Jaehyun nods in understanding. “You seem… pretty chill about living with them.”

“Should I not be?” He asks hesitantly, like he also doesn’t know what Ten’s about to say.

“No, no, they’re really sweet,” Ten says, filling the pot with water. “I guess- I dunno. You went to school with me, you can understand why I’m confused.”

“Our school was shit,” Jaehyun says. He comes around and lifts himself up onto his kitchen counter to sit next to Ten while he cooks. Ten empties the seasoning mix into the water, stirring it around before flicking on the burner and Jaehyun smiles a little. “You know how to make ramen the right way.”

“What do I look like, white?” Ten jokes and Jaehyun’s smile gets wider. “I know our school was shit. You remember what everyone said about me.”

“I heard shit but I don’t listen to rumors much,” Jaehyun tells him. “I remember Leah Clements really had it out for you, though. Like what the fuck was her problem anyway?” He asks and Ten leans against the adjacent counter, viewing Jaehyun skeptically.

“You really don’t know?” Jaehyun shrugs a shoulder. “She outed me to the whole school. She told everyone who would listen that I made out with Adam Jones, her shitty boyfriend at the time. You know they broke up like a week later.”

“Yeah, that I remember,” Jaehyun admits. “So it’s true? You’re gay.”

“Yeah,” Ten says. “Why do you think I moved out so quick?”

“Shit, I’m sorry,” Jaehyun says and there’s this crease between his brows, frown so deep and well-meaning and there’s a part of Ten that can’t believe that Jaehyun just didn’t know but there’s more of him that can. Mostly because none of the boys from Neo City ever seemed to give a shit about the school. They spent so much time with their music and practicing together and just trying to get to graduation (sans Doyoung, but Doyoung was a special case) just so they could play music without school getting in the way. They really didn’t care what anyone said about them so it would figure that they hear a rumor about another outsider, another emo kid, in their school being gay, why would they care?

“It’s whatever,” Ten says. He crossed the room to get back to the pantry, pulling out the soy sauce and sesame oil. “Our high school was shit, you said it yourself. Like, who gives a fuck what they thought of me now? I don’t have a great job but at least I’m not there, y’know?”

“It’s just bullshit that they treated you like that,” Jaehyun says. “Like who cares that you’re gay. You know Mark’s gay,” Jaehyun says and Ten’s head whips around so fast he’s almost surprised he doesn’t get whiplash. “Yeah, he’s gay. He’s actually dating Hendery and their boyfriend Xuxi. They’re like, super cute. It was kind of weird at first and Johnny was like, ‘what if he gets hurt’ but Hendery and Xuxi are the nicest dudes on the planet so- I never asked Hendery if it was cool if I called them dude,” Jaehyun interrupts his own train of thought and Ten huffs a little laugh.

“You can call Hendery dude, Xuxi calls them dude all the time but just ask if you’re worried,” Ten says and Jaehyun nods decisively. “You’re surprisingly chill with them being enby.”

“Being what?”

“Enby,” Ten repeats, stirring the broth around while adding his other liquids. “It’s short for nonbinary. And you’re being really cool about it.”

“What’s there to not be cool about?” He asks.

“Why weren’t we friends in school?” Ten changes topics and Jaehyun shrugs again.

“I dunno, you sat alone a lot or with Kun and Sicheng and I was shy. I mean, I’m still shy and I have like, super anxiety. My parents thought I was just stressed or whatever but Yuta took me to see his therapist once and they said they think I have anxiety. Not bad enough to be a disorder but I should probably be diagnosed. Like, you saw my meltdown over fucking laundry,” he says and it’s paired with a laugh but Ten gives him a shy smile. “I had a hard time talking to people. I got stage fright like all the time at the beginning with the band and I still sometimes freak out in front of large crowds.”

“Is that why you lean on Johnny so much?” Ten asks and Jaehyun nods.

“Yeah. The girls in the crowd think we’re doing it to fuck around but like… he’s my rock on stage, y’know? Like Johnny’s born to be on stage, he just dragged me along with him because we’ve been friends since diapers and he’s like, it’s not a band without you. He’s fuckin the worst,” Jaehyun says, lifting a hand to toy with his nose ring, a nervous habit Ten guesses.

For all the nerves Jaehyun has, he certainly is brave. For going on stage even though he’s scared to be in front of crowds. For not bowing under the pressure from school bullies picking on them about the band and how it was never gonna go anywhere. For willingly living with Hendery when it could easily backfire pretty fucking spectacularly if people found out and wanted to be dicks about it. For just being a good fucking person.

“Well, you guys are a great band,” Ten says softly, ripping open the second package and dropping the two noodle bricks in the boiling water. “And you’re a great frontman and a good person. So like, thank Johnny. I know he’s a prick but just do it anyway.”

“Ugh, he’s gonna be impossible if I do that,” Jaehyun groans but his dimples are giving him away again.

Ten finishes the ramen and pours them into two bowls.

“Hey, you listen to the new Cobra album yet?” Jaehyun asks, sitting on the couch in the living room, chopsticks twisted in his fingers as he holds his bowl with both hands.

“Not yet,” Ten admits with a sour twist to his lips. He would probably donate his kidneys to Gabe Saporta but he just hasn’t had the time yet. Or the funds to buy it.

“You wanna?” Jaehyun asks. “I applied for that pre-order signed album thing and I just got it in the mail,” he says, setting his bowl to the side. He climbs off the couch and disappears around the corner, headed for his room. “I have the album in my bag. The dudes and I jammed the fuck out on it at practice. Doyoung’s psyched and wants to go in on The City Is at War,” Jaehyun calls out.

“If it’s not got Gabe’s name on it, I don’t want it!” Ten calls out and Jaehyun barks a laugh. He comes back around, flashing the album’s front at him. Gabe Saporta and his famous purple hoodie don the cover and Jaehyun bounces a bit as he lands on the couch.

“No Gabe, but I did get Vicky-T,” he says, showing off the silver sharpie on the front.

“Alright, I’ll allow it. She’s hella cool,” Ten says and Jaehyun smiles as he pops open the case to take the CD out.

Neo City doesn’t play another show until a couple of months later but they do a lot of recording and writing in the meantime. They’re still low on the funds so they do a lot of it on their own in Johnny and Mark’s parents’ basement. Jaehyun starts keeping Ten updated on what they’re doing, all the lyrics they’re writing, the songs they’re managing to put together. If Ten isn’t hearing it from Jaehyun he’s being told by Kun (suspicious) and sometimes even Hendery, who seemed more than ready to finally talk about their wildly successful and talented musician boyfriend. It’s so cute to watch Hendery talk about Mark, the way their eyes sparkle like Mark hung the moon or something.

Ten still thinks of Mark as a kid but it’s clear that the three of them are doing something right if Hendery is this enthralled with him.

“I really think we could have a new album soon,” Jaehyun says, swinging his legs back and forth where he’s sitting on his kitchen counter again. He’s sitting on the outer side this time while Ten and Xuxi organize the table, a large spread of take out Chinese having been ordered to feed the five of them. Mark and Hendery are trying to beat each other up while they play Xbox in the living room.

It’s kind of weird because Ten and Jaehyun have been hanging out a lot lately and this is starting to feel a little less like just a couple of friends hanging out. Jaehyun has been inviting him over to listen to new lyrics he’s trying out or a new demo the guys have been working on or just listen to music. They’ve been really great, though, all the times they’ve hung out because Ten never realized how much time he’s spent in his apartment with just Kun and Sicheng until now.

Sometimes they even share headphones on the bus or just walking around the city, Jaehyun showing Ten new tracks. Jaehyun has been trying to get Ten into Gym Class Heroes, which he isn’t opposed to, he knows who Travie McCoy is. He's just been lazy so Jaehyun’s really been going hard on As Cruel as School Children lately.

“How many songs have you guys finished?” Ten asks, wiping his hands off and coming over to stand next to Jaehyun.

“I dunno, like eight or something. We’re hoping to nail at least 12 before we start calling up record companies. We released our EP on our own but we really want this one to do well,” Jaehyun insists. “It’s just gonna suck if we made all these demos and no one wants to sign us.”

“You guys are great. You’re gonna get signed,” Ten assures him. Jaehyun gives him a soft, nervous smile and it strikes Ten all of a sudden how much he wants to reach out to Jaehyun. And do what, he doesn’t know, because he has a terrible feeling that’ll gonna end in him kissing him or something else stupid.

“Don’t you guys have another show in a couple of weeks?” Xuxi asks and it’s actually a huge relief to remember he’s not alone in this apartment with Jaehyun.

“Yeah, we wanna debut something new so we’ve been going really hard on one of our new ones,” Jaehyun explains.

“Is it one I’ve heard?” Ten asks and resolutely does not look at Xuxi because he can spiritually feel when Xuxi is making faces at him. He’s gotten very good at it.

“Nope,” Jaehyun says and he sounds terribly self-satisfied about it. “We finished it up just today before Mark and I came back. We’re gonna run it a couple more times before the show but it’s pretty much all done. I think you’re gonna like it,” Jaehyun says and Ten’s stomach feels like it’s trying to tie itself into knots, the way he says it, looking at Ten with a knowing little smirk on his lips.

The show is downtown in the 86 House. The place only fits about 150 people and Neo City used to perform here when they were still getting started. 86 House is the kind of place that would allow just about anyone to perform as long as they bring in a crowd. And Neo City certainly did just that, Kun, Ten and Sicheng having to show up at least an hour before official doors to make sure they can actually get in the door. The line is already wrapping around the block when the security at the door checks their admissions.

Off a brief stint of recording and rest the boys are especially on their game. Jaehyun and Johnny spend the show being extra insufferable, Jaehyun leaning on Johnny’s shoulder throughout the first chorus of But It’s Better If You Do, playing up as they make eye contact when Jaehyun sings about lap dances.

_“Oh, and isn't this exactly where you'd like me  
I'm exactly where you'd like me, you know  
Praying for love in a lap dance and paying in naivety,”_

The girls go crazy when Johnny leans in only for Jaehyun to pull away as he hits the high note.

It’s a great show and Jaehyun and Johnny are great showmen but it still makes something in Ten’s gut turn over to see them like that. Jaehyun told him all the truths he had to give but Ten takes a long sip of his beer because it won’t help the churning in his stomach but he’s hopeful it’ll wash the bitter taste in his mouth away.

The setlist is speckled with more of their originals than normal, causing them to play every single one of the songs off their EP as well as Elevator, the one from the Rockford show that Jaehyun played him after they managed to record a demo for it. It’s good on the recording but it’s even more hype and exciting live and that’s how Ten knows they have it. Because they make a song sound good on CD but even better in person and that’s a group that really has it all.

“This one,” Doyoung announces in their break. “This one is one we’ve been working pretty damn hard on. It’s a song that we managed to finally finish up just a few weeks ago. This is one that all of us worked our asses off on and we’re excited to share here, in 86 House with you guys.”

The crowd screams and Ten leans on the barricade on the far side of the floor. Because they might’ve been in early but they all still hate being crushed on the barricade so they’re lingering on the outer edge of the floor next to the amp next to Johnny, his bass reverberating in their chest while Johnny keeps making eyes at Kun. Ten is going to grill him and he will not get away from him this time, Ten is sure of it.

“This song is called 0 Mile!” Mark calls out.

0 Mile is light and bright and carries the same energy as Classifieds. You can almost mistake it for a pop song until it hits the chorus and the song drops, it’s harder, it’s deeper and the guitar swings up next to Jaehyun’s voice. The music attempts to hide the subtle euphemisms of the song but Ten can hear them, anyone who’s listening can and Jaehyun walks across the stage like he owns it, crooning into Doyoung’s ear about getting closer, about being one.

_“You and I, zero mile  
Just like mine, mine,”_

Jaehyun’s voice, so sweet and light, strikes in the pit of Ten’s stomach and he swallows the rest of his drink in one gulp.

Ten suffers through a few more songs before they announce Cherry Bomb and he and Kun slip out. Sicheng stations himself at Jungwoo’s table until they come back, shooting the shit with the younger boy. Ten shakes his way through two cigarettes while Neo City plays their own version of Saturday so loudly the brick walls are shaking and Kun glances at him from the corner of his eye like he’s worried.

“You okay?” He finally asks, flicking his ash.

“Yeah,” Ten brushes off, blowing smoke. It’s starting to get cold. Soon his smoke clouds are going to make him look like he’s a fucking dragon or something.

“Alright,” Kun says but his tone says, ‘this isn’t over’ and Ten doesn’t doubt it. They go back inside once Ten has managed to demolish a third cigarette and Kun is scraping out his second. People have mostly cleared out save for the handful chugging their last call beers to go. Sicheng is where they left him, but Jungwoo has managed to tug him back behind the table this time, sitting on the bench with him.

“Yo,” Yuta says, leaning on the railing. The merch table is on a low platform a few steps above the main floor this time but Yuta is nothing if not decently tall so he leans pretty comfortably against it. He’s already wearing a shirt though, which is weird. “The manager dropped by for fucking once, we’re gonna grab some food. You guys in?”

Ten scans the floor to see if he can find the others and Johnny’s so fucking tall it’s easy to spot him. He’s standing on the stage with Jaehyun and Mark, but Doyoung is on the floor past the barricade with a couple of other dudes. Ten spots the man that’s supposedly the band’s manager standing next to Doyoung, arm slung around his shoulders.

His name is Zac and he’s kind of a dick. He was never directly a piece of shit to Ten but he certainly wasn’t very nice either. He requested to be partnered with someone else in Chem their senior year, after Ten had been outed, and while Ten doesn’t believe that people are all bad, he doesn’t really feel like playing nice tonight. He’s buzzed and tired and doesn’t have the energy to be called some fucked up slur in front of his friends, at least he thinks the Neo boys are his friends, and pretend he’s fine with it.

“Ah, I’m pretty tired. I’m gonna call it,” Ten says and Yuta’s face falls. “Sorry, Yu, maybe another time.”

“Let me get Jae,” Yuta says and it makes Ten bristle a bit that Yuta thinks Jaehyun is going to change his mind. Why would Jaehyun make a difference? He gets distracted when Kun reaches for Ten’s wrist, tugs on it a little.

“What’s up?” He asks, eyes darting between Ten’s face and the boys, Yuta having run over to the band.

“You remember Zac Stevens, right?” Ten asks and Kun nods. Ten jerks his head in the direction of the guys and Kun looks again, a deep frown taking over his features. “It’s cool if you wanna go, like you should go and Chengie if you want but I’m not going. I know it’s been a few years but like-”

“No, you’re right. Besides, if you’re not going, I’m not going,” Kun says and Ten softly, giving Kun a smile.

“Not even for Johnny,” Ten lays on and Kun shoves him a little, Ten laughing at the blush that creeps up Kun’s neck.

“Shut up, I don’t go after straight guys, unlike some people,” he says and Ten knows he’s gonna be holding Adam Jones above his head for the rest of his life.

“Hey,” Jaehyun says and Ten looks back down to see Jaehyun at the railing. This time the rest of the band has come with him, including Zac and his friend, standing only a few feet away from them. Zac gives him a critical look and Ten’s eyes dart back to Jaehyun. “Yuta said you weren’t coming. C’mon, you should come.”

“I’m just tired, Jae. I think I’m gonna call it a night,” Ten says and offers him a sheepish smiling hoping it doesn’t look as forced as he thinks it might.

“Kun, you coming?” Johnny calls out and he looks so adorably hopeful it makes Ten’s heart turn over, knowing Kun’s going to deny him. He would argue with his best friend more but he knows that Kun is loyal to the very end, even if he is kind of into Johnny.

“Nah,” Kun says. “Someone has to take this jackass home,” Kun says. He turns to Sicheng then and completely misses the way Johnny deflates. Ten is starting to get skeptical of these supposedly straight boys. “You wanna go? They’re getting food.”

“I told Jungwoo I’d hang tonight. That cool?” Sicheng asks and Kun shrugs him off.

“Chill with me. Text if you’re gonna be too late.” Sicheng gives him a thumbs up and Kun looks back at the band. “Sorry, guys.”

“It’s cool,” Doyoung says even if the rest of his group looks disappointed. Zac still looks skeptical of Ten and Ten shifts uncomfortably, Kun wrapping an arm around Ten’s shoulders when he notices. “Get home safe?” Doyoung asks and Kun agrees before steering Ten down the stairs and out the door.

“That’s Ten, right?” Zac asks later, when they’re walking to the van, packing up the rest of their equipment.

“Yeah. You remember him from school?” Johnny asks, shoving an amp into place.

“I remember the rumors about him. You guys don’t?” Johnny shrugs, leaning against the side of the trailer, arms crossed over his chest. “Seriously? He made out with Adam Jones, that dumb ass footballer. Leah broke up with him and told everyone Ten was a fag. He didn’t even deny it,” He goes on and Johnny shifts, Yuta turning a sharp eye in Zac’s direction. “I can’t believe you guys didn’t even know.”

“School rumors were kind of shit,” Mark says, shoving a microphone at their manager a little harder than necessary. “Who gives a fuck what anyone thinks in school? Besides, high school’s over. If he’s gay, that’s his business.”

“Damn, alright,” Zac says. “I’m just saying. It was a big deal. He was the only queer in the whole school.” And Jaehyun hates the way Zac says it, like it’s a slur. When Ten says it, it sounds like an identity, who he is. It sounds wrong coming from Zac’s mouth.

“Whatever,” Doyoung brushes off but it’s clear it doesn’t sit well with him either. “Can we just go? Ten’s not even coming.”

“Who was with him?” Zac goes on and Jaehyun turns to him.

“What’s it matter?” Jaehyun asks. “Not like you care anyway.”

“They just looked close, that’s all. His boyfriend or something,” Zac comments. “I don’t care who’s fucking him I’m just curious. He couldn’t even get someone to look at him in school and now he’s got a boyfriend? Surprising, I guess.”

“Dude, just let it go,” Johnny says, stepping down from the trailer.

“Jesus, when did you guys get so sensitive,” Zac says, tossing the mic on top of an amp. “Fuck.”

Jaehyun doesn’t even go home that night, he lets himself into Ten’s apartment, already knows where they hide the spare key, leaves it on the dining room table. He locks the door behind himself, toes off his shoes and goes to Ten’s room, knocking gently on the door.

“Come in,” Ten calls out and Jaehyun pushes open the door to see Ten sitting in the middle of his bed, iPod headphones on, and book in his lap. Jaehyun sincerely doesn’t understand how Ten can listen to the music that they do and read at the same time but he only shuts the door softly. Ten looks up when the door shuts, pushes his headphones off to let them rest around his neck, eyes widening.

“What’re you doing here? I thought you were getting dinner with the guys,” Ten says and Jaehyun shrugs. It’s a habit, Ten has realized, when Jaehyun doesn’t actually know what to say. He crosses the room and sits at the foot of Ten’s bed with him.

Jaehyun just sits with him and Ten marks his book, setting it aside. He can tell Jaehyun wants to say something but he hasn’t figured out what yet so Ten waits.

“Why are people so shit,” Jaehyun finally says. “I just don’t get it. Like what do they gain from being assholes, y’know?”

“I don’t know,” Ten says. Jaehyun heaves a great sigh and curls up at the foot of Ten’s bed, legs folded underneath him, looking at Ten with his big doe eyes. He always looks tired but Ten knows it’s just because his under eyes are naturally puffy. It’s very cute when he smiles and it causes his eyes to almost completely disappear while his dimples dig into his cheeks and his nose scrunches up. He looks so tiny at the end of Ten’s bed even though Ten knows he’s at least four inches taller than himself.

“You know we were gonna go to dinner but- Zac said some pretty fucked up things about you,” he says and Ten resists the urge to breathe in sharply, instead just pressing his lips together into a thin line. “And like- fuck him, you know, his opinions are wrong. He didn’t even really say an opinion but the way he talked about you was fucked up. And I just don’t get it, like what’s the point in being a dick. As if it’s any of his business or like who you are is really gonna affect him. You’re just a person trying to be yourself. What’s wrong with that?”

“I don’t know,” Ten says. “I really don’t. I wish I did because then I would know what to say when people are just being assholes to me because they think they can. But I don’t.”

“I’m just sorry,” Jaehyun says and it breaks Ten’s heart a little bit. “Because that’s shitty and you don’t deserve that. I know that probably doesn’t mean much but like… I’m really sorry that people like Zac exist and just give you a hard fucking time because they think they can. It’s fucked up.”

“Yeah,” Ten agrees.

The silence drags on for a few long moments, both of them unsure where to go from here.

“Hey, Ten?”

“Hm?”

“How did you, I guess, did you know?” Jaehyun finally asks and Ten tilts his head. “Like that you’re gay?”

“Oh,” Ten mumbles. “Well… I guess I always knew. Like a part of me always knew that I, I guess wasn’t like everyone else. Or not like most people. Like I’ve always been attracted to guys but I didn’t act on it because it was like… weird or whatever. I knew people would think it was weird or wrong. So I ignored it a lot. I started freaking out about it when I was 15, like it wasn’t going away and it was super stressful but I realized it wasn’t going to. Like this isn’t a phase or whatever, this just who I am, what I’m like. And once I realized that… it was a lot easier to stomach. I started talking about it with my friends, Kun and Sicheng and I talked about how I repressed it and stuff and we just had a super open and honest conversation. We all cried, Sicheng told me he was gay too, Kun had this whole breakdown about not being gay but not being straight. He identifies as bi now but it was like a whole thing.”

“What is bi?”

“Bisexual,” Ten answers. “Because he’s not gay but he’s not only attracted to women so he’s bi. He’s attracted to men and women. And I guess some people think that’s really weird, like we found a whole bunch of stuff about people saying bi people are just going through a phase but he’s really, really sure and I can’t tell him who he is so I believe him.”

“That’s… I didn’t know that was an option.”

“When you think about it,” Ten says, scooting closer. “It seems silly to suggest that it wouldn’t be. Like why would we be hardwired to only like one? Why couldn’t someone like both, or like… all?” He says and Jaehyun’s lips twist in thought.

They lapse into silence again and Ten reaches out then, resting his hand on Jaehyun’s, rubbing his thumb gently over the back of Jaehyun’s hand.

“Jaehyun, you don’t have to decide right now. You don’t have to know everything or be 100% certain of who you are and what you want because your sexuality doesn’t define you. You’re still Jaehyun if you’re gay or you’re or… whatever,” Ten breathes a laugh and Jaehyun offers him a small smile. “It’s cool if you don’t know. And it’s fine if you decide something and then decide something else later. That doesn’t make you wrong, it just means you’re learning more about yourself. What matters is that you’re being yourself, not who you think everyone wants you to be.”

“Does that make sense?” Ten asks.

“Yeah,” Jaehyun agrees. “But I’m gonna ask you another question.”

“You can ask me whatever you want,” Ten assures him.

“Can I kiss you?”

“Uh.” That wasn’t what Ten was expecting but a small part of him thinks he should’ve. “Uh, yeah. Yeah, you can kiss me.”

Jaehyun leans across the small space between them and presses their lips together softly. It’s a sweet and soft kiss, something chaste and it doesn’t last very long. But when Jaehyun pulls away Ten knows he’s already pinking up in the cheeks and that’s really annoying. That’s going to ruin his whole reputation.

“Was that your first kiss?” Jaehyun giggles, giddy. Ten nods shyly.

Jaehyun leans back in, turning his hand over to thread their fingers together. He leans in closer and cups Ten’s cheek with his free hand, tilting his head to slot their lips together more firmly. Ten makes a little surprised noise when Jaehyun kisses him deeper, tongue sliding along his lower lip only to pull back, pressing a soft peck against his lips.

“Can I give you more firsts?” Jaehyun whispers, their lips brushing together as he speaks and Ten swallows. This was never how he expected this to go, this supposedly straight boy showing him up in his own bed.

“Uh, maybe… another time,” Ten mutters, suddenly flustered and Jaehyun giggles again.

“Can I keep kissing you, though?”

“Yeah,” Ten agrees. Jaehyun presses just a little bit closer and presses their lips together again, Ten’s free hand landing on Jaehyun’s thigh while Jaehyun continues to cup his cheek gently.

“This next track, is one we’d like to dedicate to an old friend of ours,” Johnny says and Doyoung barks a laugh into his mic before taking a sip of his water. “You see, friends,” Johnny says, pulling his mic loose and resting an arm on the top of his mic stand, like he’s ready to launch into a story, “sometimes people in your life are fucking assholes.”

A cheer rises up from deep in the crowd and that’s a sentiment that many a pop punk and emo kid can agree with.

“Sometimes they’re fucking dicks and you think you know who they are, but we’ve found, people can be disappointing.” He moves his hand to grip the stand leans it away from him as he speaks into the crowd. “But I’m not here to get fucking sentimental, I’m here to play some fucking good music. So this one goes out to all those assholes from high school.”

“You know ‘em, you hate ‘em, you wish you could forget them,” Doyoung says and Johnny shoots him a finger gun and a wink. “Sing as loud as you fucking can!” Doyoung yells at them and the crowd cheers as he says it.

“This is If U See Jordan, it’s by Something Corporate,” Jaehyun tells them. The uproar is enough to deafen a person and Ten leans a little further over the railing. Sicheng looks about ready to fall over the edge, eager to hear their friends do Andrew McMahon some justice, having been a pretty evid Something Corporate fanboy when they were still making music. He’s been known to say that he wants all of Konstantine in its entirety on his tombstone and will not accept anything less when he dies.

_“You say its chivalry, well it's jealousy that led us to this song  
Won't play it often just at least until you're gone  
You'll stop at nothing but the real thing and everything up to that's pretend  
You tried to brainwash all my friends,”_

In the past month since the last show Neo City has played they dropped Zac as a manager and Doyoung reached out to a friend of his from high school. His name’s Taeyong and he’s attending community college not far from the city. Taeyong says he isn’t much of a manager, claimed he didn’t know much about managing a band but he knows a thing or two about music and is great with organization. Doyoung, contrary to his immense pride, was ready to get down on his knees and beg his friend to help them out.

Taeyong had agreed after they played him their demos. Even he could admit that they had something.

He refused to drop out of school but after this next year he was going to be homefree with a Bachelor’s in Communications and then, and only then, he was going to be all theirs. They figured they could wait until he was done with his degree before they started pursuing crazy shit like tours but they were still on the lookout for a good record deal.

Neo City had finally finished their demo reel and was already sending it to record companies willing to sign them. They even went a little crazy and reached out to Decaydance and Fueled By Ramen. They expect MCA, Fearless or Hopeless to actually take them seriously but what was life without a little risk.

Ten can see Taeyong’s bright blue hair on the side stage from where he’s standing. Hendery is back there as well as Jeno and Dejun, the couple having been a suggestion from Ten when Mark mentioned they really needed techs. They were managing but bigger venues were starting to contact them and they just didn’t have the ability to run around backstage to get ready for everything as well as perform. It was exhausting but Ten knew but Dejun and Jeno were amateur guitarists themselves and Hendery was pretty good with a drum set. Things had been flowing decently considering this was their first show with a proper crew.

They don’t even pause for a break before they start playing 0 Mile and the song still makes something strike deep in Ten’s stomach when Jaehyun starts singing. He’s heard the demo now (he and Kun having been giving a private listening party when they finished it, the band, the techs and Taeyong all crowding around Yuta’s boombox from somewhere around the 80s to get the first listen) and it’s so good. All of the album is so good and they’ve been bouncing around titles for when they get it released for the past week.

Johnny wants it to carry the same feeling as From Under the Cork Tree but Doyoung has been insisting that nothing will ever be as incredibly iconic as that title. Kun has hesitantly agreed, even if it did make his boyfriend (Ten was very gloaty about being right) look at him in mock betrayal. Taeyong’s been saying they should keep it simple as a debut album even if that’s totally not the punk rock experience (see: Take This To Your Grave, While The City Sleeps and A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out).

“Alright, we only got a couple more for you guys tonight,” Mark says, grabbing onto his mic. Jeno nudges Mark gently in the side with his other guitar and Mark’s eyes widen in surprise, having forgotten about the fact that they have people to do that now.

“And I would like to request everyone stick around until the end,” Johnny says, Kun and Ten turning away from the stage to take sips of their drinks. “We’ve been noticing some people dipping early and that just ain’t gonna fly tonight! You all know how these shows end, I wanna see everyone getting their feet off the ground!” The crowd screams their agreements but Ten glances over to see Jaehyun looking very clearly in their direction around his water bottle.

“We got a couple more before we close out. This song’s super long so we’ll let it do the talking for us,” Jaehyun says.

_“I found the cure to growing older  
And you're the only place that feels like home  
Just so you know, you'll never know  
And some secrets weren't meant to be told  
But, I found the cure to growing older,”_

This song does have a stupidly long title and Ten doesn’t think Fall Out Boy even announce the whole name anymore but it’s good as fuck. Jaehyun bangs his head on beat with Mark’s guitar riffs and Yuta’s heavy drum hits. The whole crowd is rowdy, there’s a mosh pit in the middle of the floor and Ten can feel Johnny’s bass heavy in his chest. Johnny always gives his best to the screaming parts but he’s not Pete Wentz and they all know it but Jaehyun’s voice hits all the right notes while Doyoung and Mark play off each other on the side of the stage.

For all the times they’ve seen Neo City in concert, though, Ten doesn’t think he’s seen Cherry Bomb live more than a couple of times. He picked up smoking when he was 19 and started slipping out the door before the song even started not long later. It’s a nasty habit and he really should kick it, especially when he and Kun both order a couple more beers to tamp down their nicotine shakes when the song starts. Cherry Bomb is fucking sick though and the crowd is extra rowdy while they play it out.

There are even a few crowd surfers tonight that end up past the barricade but they don’t make the stage this time. The drum solo in the song is the perfect background to the mosh pit that starts up towards the final third of the song and Jaehyun laughs into the mic when Yuta pauses to flip a drumstick before hitting the final notes. Doyoung and Mark start back in again immediately after with Johnny catching up a second later.

_“Right, cherry bomb_  
_I’m the biggest hit_  
_I’m the biggest hit on this stage,”_

It’s the most arrogant song they’ve ever written and it was something they made off the high of most of their band being out of high school. Jaehyun sounds like he owns the world when he says the final lines and the lights go out as Johnny nails the last note on his bass.

The three of them yell extra loud at them, trying to get their voices to be heard over the cacophony of the crowd below them. They’re in the balcony, again, because it’s where they’ve just started standing during their shows, to see the boys in all their glory, sweaty and excited and banging out their favorite music like it’s all they need to do.

Jungwoo is surrounded by fans by the time they get to him this time, Sicheng sidling behind the table to give him a hand. He’s turned into their makeshift second merch guy and Kun and Ten run to smoke a cigarette out the back door, both of them already starting to get ansty without it.

Ten’s lighter is shit, neither of them can get it to work and Kun left his in his car this time (rookie mistake). Ten blames the creepy gas station dude who keeps giving him the cheapo 50 cent lighters for this situation, thankful when a zippo enters his line of sight, already lit.

“Having a problem there, babe?” Johnny asks and Ten leans into the flame. He cups a hand over the flame, brings it over to Kun’s smoke. Kun’s hand takes the place of his when he gets close enough, catching the tip of his cigarette. Johnny flips the silver zippo closed and Kun lowers his cigarette, always held between his index and thumb like a joint (old habits of being an ex stoner die hard) and blows smoke before pressing a kiss to Johnny’s lips.

“Thanks,” Kun says before bringing his smoke back to his lips.

“Aren’t you glad your boyfriend’s an ex smoker?” Johnny says, tossing his lighter up in the air before catching it. “I promise not to be a dick about it but you should definitely think about quitting too.”

“I promise I’ll think about it,” Kun says and Johnny rolls his eyes.

Jaehyun stumbles out the door a second later and he’s literally steaming. Johnny was too when he first got there, the sheer heat radiating off of them in comparison to the absolutely frigid temperature to Chicago’s November chill is startling. He looks pleasantly flushed through the cheeks though and immediately waddles over to Ten, wrapping himself around his boyfriend despite being absolutely soaked with sweat and feeling like 100 degrees. It’s not so bad though, Ten only brought a hoodie because it’s part of the emo aesthetic and his fingers are starting to shake, making it difficult to hold his smoke.

“You’re gross,” Ten complains anyway because it’s his job to make his boyfriend’s life hard and Jaehyun smirks as he cuddles in impossibly closer, pressed all down Ten’s side and presses a kiss to Ten’s temple. Ten frowns, but doesn’t fight him off. His ears are still ringing and his blood is rushing around his system, the alcohol and the nicotine making his heart beat double speed and being near Jaehyun isn’t helping.

Ten is pretty sure Johnny and Jaehyun have a secret pact to get them to quit because they both only finish one before they’re being goaded back into the venue to help clean up. Ten doesn’t remember being part of the clean up crew as being a consequence of dating a rockstar but he lets himself be dragged inside, back to the table to help Jungwoo and Sicheng deal with the lingerers. Kun wipes off his hands and follows them to the stage because he’s strong enough to help with the heavy lifting while Ten happens to be exceptionally good at organizing the cashbox.

Cashier training is actually useful sometimes.

They make a ragtag team, a bunch of queer emo fanboys turned rockstars and band techs and merch guys but they make it work for them. Ten helps Sicheng and Jungwoo help the last of the kids, some of them just hanging around to meet Jeno after he’s done helping out. A couple of them are especially starry eyed, can hear the tall one and his friend getting giggly over seeing the Neo City boys. It’s so fucking weird because the Neo boys are just a few guys that ran the same circles as Ten in high school turned really great friends post-high school and they’re really not that special.

But Yuta and Doyoung take photos with them and Mark rings them around the neck because he was their English tutor when he was still in school (he calls them Sungie and Lele, which is so cute). Johnny and Jaehyun catch up after they’ve managed to put everything away and Kun shoves Johnny away when Johnny tries to get in his space and steal a kiss.

“We’re out!” Hendery calls out and Mark runs back over to his partners, all but leaping into Hendery’s arms.

“See you guys later?” Xuxi calls out, having been lingering around backstage, boyfriend privileges, to catch the show.

“Yeah! Have a good night!” Yuta calls out and the three of them head out the back door to avoid the fans that are still crowding the front.

That’s the cue to head out. That and the staff starting to sweep the floor. They pack up the merch table, loading it into the back of the van, sliding their folding table in along the wall of the van before shutting the doors. Ten pauses to look at the back of the van once they’re done stacking all the boxes up and strapping them down.

Huh. His name is next to the license plate. Wonder when he did that.

“You ready?” Kun asks, sliding up to him. His pack is sticking out of the pocket of his jeans, crushed in next to his wallet, the chain dangling off of it connected to his belt loop. His flannel is falling off his shoulders, revealing his V neck t-shirt and the line of bruises Johnny left on his collarbones. It’s fucking gross but Ten’s just glad Johnny didn’t actually turn out to be a straight boy.

“Yeah,” Ten agrees. “Meet you at the car.”

Kun agrees but he wanders back towards the venue where Johnny is talking to the venue staff with Taeyong. Ten moves back to the trailer where Doyoung and Jaehyun are doing the last counts. They left three different cables behind at Rockford and had to shell out for new connectors because the venue was too far for them to drive out to when they realized. The pitfalls of being a band.

“I’m out,” Ten says and Jaehyun turns. He wraps him up in a hug immediately and he’s still a little tacky with sweat but that’s just dating a band guy, Ten supposes.

“See you tomorrow?” He asks and Ten agrees. Jaehyun smacks a kiss to his lips and it’s absolutely the craziest thing to Ten. Because he always thought he would never get to do this, to kiss his boyfriend, if he ever got a boyfriend, in public, in front of people.

But Jaehyun kisses him all the time, no shame, no worries and it’s great. It’s impossibly wonderful.

“See you,” Ten says and Jaehyun pecks him once more on the lips before Ten heads back towards the car. Jungwoo is sending Sicheng off with a hug when Ten gets there and Kun comes back, looking generally well kissed and it’s a good night.

It’s a great night.

**Author's Note:**

> [twt](https://twitter.com/sofarsoperfect)   
>  [cc](https://curiouscat.me/sofarsoperfect)


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